DOMO!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
朋友问:“你完完全全忘记了吗?”, "你不想他了吗?"

就像他说的。
有可能完完全全忘记吗?
没有很大的可能。
不能装作从来没发生过。
不能让伤口完全消失。
伤口会复原。但是疤痕永远都不会消失。
永远提醒你你有这么一段的回忆。

你有多想他,
是靠你的箱子看得有多紧。
这箱子是装着你们共同的回忆。
箱子看得紧, 顽皮的回忆就没有那么容易跑出来逛逛。
箱子看得不紧,就是让回忆有机可乘。
而这都是个人的选择。

如果你不想忘了他。
这么做,都永远不会忘记。
想让自己重新过自己的人生,
那只好把箱子牢牢的锁起来。
但是不可能忘。

不喜欢做我不想做的事。
但却要去别人做他不想做的事。
有时真觉得认识我也不知道是幸运还是一种不幸。
家世不简单,也不是简单的一两句就能解释得出来。
简单的说,认识我不深的人都不可能深刻的了解我的家世可以带来的困扰。
我只能要求朋友们,的宽恕,的谅解。
虽然有时候还是有朋友对我表示不满。
这不是我选择的。
但也不能完全说不是我的错。

但是你却常常忍让我,
忍让我的不足之处,
忍让我的家世麻烦,
忍让我的无理取闹。

忍让我常常要求你做你不太想要的事。

有时真的让我觉得,
你是上天派来让我好过一点的守护星。
那,
我干吗还是老是做些为难你的事?

Sunday, December 19, 2010
4年前我朋友是这样叙述我的。

你虽然说的笑话一点都不好笑,
你考试的成绩也不怎么理想。
但是,

你没有心机,因为你说话懒得用太多脑。
你为人直率,因为你的脑没有太多地方装谎话。
你不会看一个人的心情来跟他说话,因为你一心只想和他做朋友,
你不懂得分辨好坏对错,因为你对人生的想法是十全十美的。
对你而言,大家都是天使,每个人都对你好,因为你不想用有色眼镜看人。


虽然我现在跟这位朋友也没有以前那么熟,
但是我觉得。我以前就是一个这样的人。
单纯,简单。常被别人骗。
但还是觉得全世界的人都有可取之处,都是好人一个。

可能现在聪明了,没那么容易被人骗。
但是那个总是觉得每个人都是好人的小孩,好像已经不在了。
以前能够帮忙朋友分担不快乐,
现在只会逃避现实。
只能给自己借口说很忙,也不能帮不上什么忙。
现在只是发现,这是让自己比较好过一点的借口而已。

希望,我能找回这样的自己。
一个坚强,能够支持自己,
也能够支持别人。

packed my room.
gathered all the letters and small sweet things ive gotten from frens.
since i was in primary school i started to gather them together.
my pile is growing. HAHA.

and looking through these letters remind me of the regret i should feel.
losing contact with so many people.
not being there when they needed me.
or maybe they didnt need me around anyway.
losing the bond, with so many friends.
that took years to build up, bit by bit.
people grow up, people change.
and i didnt put in enough effort to stay in their lives.

is it my fault?
not entirely.
but am i faultless?
not exactly either.


sometimes i get tired.
i blame other people.
i say why cant other people make an effort to contact me instead.
why cant other people come and make the change.
then i just realised.
within people's relationships.
there will always be one person making more of an effort to contact the other.
and more often than not. im the person to the other people im complaining about.
and im the passive person to other people who are trying hard to contact me too.
and everyone more or less has roles like this.

so. why cant i just take it,
and make the effort needed to sustain the friendship?
why do i need to weight who has put in more?
is it important? is it affecting?
maybe.
but does it matter?
i dont think so.

i just feel sad. that its my own childish spite that prevented me from a lot of things.
but its part of growing up.
everyone has their regrets.
everyone has things they wish they never did.
whether is it a day ago, a week ago.
a year ago, 10 years ago.
they did something that changed their lives possibly forever.
and probably didnt realise the significance of it.

sometimes i think back.
if i did something else back then.
i chose another path back then.
what would have happened?
maybe there is another me in another universe that chose all the paths i didnt choose.
but i believe.
everything that happens.
you win something. you lose something.
i might have been through some stuff,
and in the process gain knowledge.
i learnt how to do things better.
it might have hurt.
but it taught me something.

now i learnt.
i cant treat people for granted.
since when is effort in a relationship measured with a ruler?
even if they treat me for granted,
what matters is i know, that i tried my best.

been 9 months and counting.
what i know is. i really like the guy.
alot.

Disclaimer:
Domokun! :D

私はDomo. :D
[CRAZYNUT`(:].
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NUS 09/10`
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07S401 & 07S402
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MJC shooting`.

Rawr! :3

Ppl. :3
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Deviantart.
[me.(:]

TO-DO LIST
1.to be a better friend.
to listen to people more. :D
2.to touch people's life.
3.BEEEEE HAPPY
STOPPP EMO-ING.HOHO.(:
4.have outings with SDS more. :3
(EHH but i lazy organise eh.)
5.evolve into SANTA CLAUS.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

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